Alternative ideas you can use to start conversation or to add interest to speeches or presentations


Dating Letters

Need more quotes? Extracts from books on Dating

Choose Your Wingman

So unattractive friends may make you more fanciable. Back in the 1970s, when we went to dances, I always went with the same “less good-looking” friend. I recently confessed this to a mutual acquaintance, feeling a twinge of guilt about it. He said: “Don’t feel too bad, he always said he went with you for exactly the same reason.”

Why Do You Use Tindr?

Haven't y'all learned anything about the Internet?
The men are men. The women are men. The young girls are the FBI.

The guy I met online and I said similar stuff. We "weren't emotionally ready" and "weren't looking for something deep and committed"... years and a home and a dog later I learned that you're always ready for the right person.

Its like playing a game. like, oh look! I matched with the shirtless man holding a fish! I get 10 points!

I'm young, wild and free! Just looking for the right man for the right reasons ;)
I enjoy long walks on the beach and a nice night drinking wine and watching lion king
and oh yeah, did I mention, the "right guy" for me is the guy I can harvest their kidneys.

The guy I can harvest their kidneys with the A- blood type.
Come on. At least be subtle.

I am looking for a normal guy to date and see if it can turn into something. Maybe he won't work, maybe he will become my best friend, only a regular sex friend, a boyfriend for a while, my future husband... who knows?
I know it can seem pretty weird but since there are normal girls like me on Tinder, that just don't have the time and/or opportunity to meet new people, I guess there are normal guys on Tinder too.

Exactly! I've met many different types of guys on Tinder:
some who just wanted to bang
some who were looking for a serious relationship
one who wanted to find a submissive for a D/s relationship
one who was just new in the city and wanted to meet people to hang out with
some who were "recruiting" a girl to have a threesome with their gf
some also have profiles to make their business known
and so many others...

some who were "recruiting" a girl to have a threesome with their gf
Rookie mistake. Always have the girl look.

one who wanted to find a submissive for a D/s relationship
Wait, we can use it for that? BRB, going to update my Tinder profile.

It almost as if you can be looking to fuck AND be on the lookout for a relationship at the same time!

I was on there for a while, at first just liked flirting with strangers but did meet a handful, I wasn't really in to any (except a Redditor I met on OkCupid who was a weird but good looking and we went out a few times) but we had a laugh on our dates. I didnt really take it too seriously.
Eventually I met up with this guy and he turned out to be exactly what I would have been looking for, a good looking, intelligent, curly haired comedian. He was really easy to talk to, everything about him was interesting and we talked about stuff for hours, but afterwards the texts dropped off pretty quickly.
After that I realised that you might have a large selection of people to choose from but so do they, and the likelihood that if you do decide you like someone that they will choose you back is low. So I got rid of it.
Edit: To answer 90% of the replies I didnt want a relationship, if anything I was looking for a FWB kind of situation, it just took the shine off it to feel a bit rejected. Also yes people can do this in real life but it's definitely more concentrated on an app when you literally have everyone at your finger tips, I remember it being pretty addictive. I'm kind of paranoid now as I didnt think anyone would read this, but to all the people asking if it was you, it probably wasnt.

I feel like an old person saying this, but when you meet people in real life, chances are you've already ticked off half of the checkboxes .
It's likely that they're a friend of a friend, or you met them at an activity you like doing, or it's someone in your work world, that kind of thing.

I used Tinder during my summer abroad to practice my French with locals in Paris. I never met up with any of them though, because that's how people get Taken.

My friends and I decided we wanted to make a dick-a-day calendar for a friend who is getting married so we trolled it for dick pics.

We did Chat Roulette at a New Years Eve party two years back. We thought that our best bet of talking to some interesting people was by having three good looking Asian chicks be the first thing the other person sees.
A surprising amount of people just immediately skipped us, including the dudes whacking it.
We eventually got some webcam girls that had a sign that said "10 pushups for tits" so my male friend showed them his tits and we spent 15 minutes arguing with them, trying to get them to do pushups for us. The main chick ended up giving up and just flashed us. Titties were 10/10.

In college for some parties we would have chat roulette in the main room on the TV. Basically just streaming the party on chat roulette. It was one of those, "wouldn't it be funny if..." kind of things that people ended up liking. You had the weirdos but every once in a while you'd get some regular people and do shots with them, or girls at our party or on CR that would flash. The best was another group that was also having a party and our we played flip cup against them.

I like just streaming random shit on chatroulette. Sometimes when my band is practicing/writing we just set up a laptop and mic in the corner and let people watch us work.

Somewhere, a chat roulette dev is reading your comment and feels validated that somebody used it for it's intended purpose.

This might be the best use of chat roulette I've ever heard.
I feel like this should be a new thing. Like chat roulette, but just for parties. So every party can hook up a smart tv or whatever to "party roulette". Then they would have a link to a rotating group of other parties happening. Maybe less masturbating... Unless it's in a group. A circle jerk is a party of sorts so it would have to be allowed.

Porn. Its the lazy mans tinder

and pussy is free on the internet.

nor does it judge you.
but my reflection in the monitor shames me

matte screens man, look into it.

I met my boyfriend on tinder as well. When his parents asked about it and the million follow up questions as to what tinder was he told them he sent me a bunch of dick pics so I knew what I was in for. He never sent them but the reaction was great.

A mutually invested individual that may or may not evolve into something interesting.
I feel like the majority of the people who quip about it being an app strictly for fucking are basing it entirely on anecdotal circle jerk nonsense and have never actually used it.
For all of those suggesting OkCupid or POF you've clearly not been on the online scene for too long. POF is just as trashy (if not more so) and OkCupid is a waste of time DEPENDING on where you live. For me, it's a total waste of time.
Tinder is ideal because you don't talk to someone unless you're mutually interested. POF and OkCupid remind me of being out at a bar and constantly being drooled on by sleazy men who think "no" just means "buy me another drink and then maybe."

Oh man, back in 2010 I got on OkCupid and realized how big a waste of time it is. It was so bad that I just decided to marry the first girl I talked to. Profile lifespan: literally less than 2 hours.
No joke. Literally met my wife w/in 15 mins of finishing my profile, we started talking immediately, went out that night to meet and have been together ever since. We now also have a 3 month old, but we didn't find him on OkCupid. We made him the old fashioned way.

After my wife cheated on me, my little brother bought me 3 memberships to dating sites and a box of condoms that he delivered to my house while she was there as a Christmas present. Her face was priceless.
About a month after my divorce was finalized a random girl sent me a message. We hit it off. Been married for almost a year now. She's fantastic. Both of us have kids and they blended together as if they'd lived together their entire life. I can't complain.

A few years ago I decided to give eHarmony a shot. So I'm sitting there and trying to answer every single one of their thousand questions legitimately and it took me a good hour or so to finish it. I click 'submit' and it starts calculating my answers. Then it says something along the lines of 'We're sorry but there are no matches in your area. But that doesn't mean you should give up!'
I live in New York. That was depressing.

At first I was there to legitimately find someone to go on dates with, but now it's mostly become a way to collect entertaining and outrageous pick-up lines.
Best so far: "I would bury my dick so deep in you, whosoever pulleth it out would be named King of England."

Ideally, I'd like a boyfriend. If I happen to meet somebody with whom I clicked well with sexually but doesn't have long term potential, I'd be ok with a fwb situation. But that's not what I'm looking for.

A guy who actually looks like his pictures and can carry his end of the conversation. Amazing how rare that is.

If I found A woman on tinder that held THEIR end of the conversation, I would be soooo happy.

Oh God it's so true. I feel like I'm doing a stand up comedy show and a job interview at the same time as she leans back and enjoys her entertainment for the evening.

What's worse than non-starting convos is great convos that end in "sorry, I'm just not in a dating place right now", or dates that go great and after a few shitty texts you get "oh I'm just looking for friends".

I suggest just making a game out of it and not taking it too seriously. You know like 90% of them are going to flake anyways, so find something you enjoy about it.

Women are the choosers. You are qualifying to her.
She has plenty of options. You're the male. You have relatively fewer. Therefore, you're supposed to court her.

After messaging about 200+ women I've honed a set of 3-4 intros and follow-ups that has most girls laughing and then I tell them to shoot me their number within about 5-6 messages max. Works about 90% of the time... After all, you both swiped each other, you're not there to text like a bunch of cell phone pen pals. The point is to get the digits and plan your date together. If they delay, I have a few witty things to say that usually gets the convo back on track.
I should say this works less with the 18-23ish year old crowd who tend to protect their numbers like it's some sorta Fort Knox bullshit. Usually I chide them that "this is how adults do dating" if they get whiny about giving out their number, and then I either get unmatched for that or they ovary-up and realize it's in their best interest to date a man.

I've literally had one easy-to-talk conversation on tinder, everything else is just 1-to-3-word answers or nothing.

Every girls profile "if you just say hey or what's up I won't respond". Every message I receive: "hey :)"

Man, some girls, even the plain average ones, get soooo many matches that they suddenly realize that you're not really the best looking of em all so they probably stop wasting more time in trying to sound engaged in the conversation.

If I found a girl on there who was interested in astronomy I would be so happy.

What's that? Astrology? Well you're in luck my friend.

24F here. I'm primarily looking to go on dates and maybe meet someone I like. NOT casual sex. I know tinder has a bad rep, but of all the apps I've tried (Hinge, OKCupid, etc) I have actually met the coolest guys on tinder. I've had 2 short-term relationships from tinder (3-6 months each) and I don't regret them. I live in a big city where every young person is a workaholic, so apps are the most common way 20-somethings meet their SO's. Currently dating someone from OKC.
edit: What I like to see in a profile is any of the following: an outdoorsy pic, a puppy pic, a travel pic, a cooking pic, an active pic (skiing, rock climbing, hiking, etc), and a short witty description.

That is a lot to ask from a profile. I'd have to go out and get a puppy, travel, learn to cook, go rock climbing, and also find something cool outside to take a picture with. On top of all of that I'd need to spend at least a day to look up witty profile examples. That seems like way too much work.

While I'm not saying this pertains to you or anything like that, there are TONS of girls looking for the same thing as you, while also having crap and dull profiles themselves, standard pics (even sometimes with most or all of them being group pics) and going off to state that they will never initiate conversation, but also expect you to have something clever and interesting to say to break the ice.
Must be nice to have boobs I guess...

Hm... I was under the impression that Tinder was only for casual sex. Not that I use it at all.

It matches people based on mutual attraction and proximity. What people do with that information is up to them. They could have casual sex, or they could just chat, or they could end up getting married, or something inbetween. It simply facilitates meeting people.

a guy who doesn't have a picture where he is holding a damn fish.

According to my in depth research it's:
"Good vibes only."
"Not looking for sex."
"I want to go on an adventure."
"I'm not like the other girls."

I met my current boyfriend on a Tinder date.
He was not my match. He was sitting at the bar after just moving to our city. I was on a horrible date. I whispered to him "rescue me, you're cute and I'm on the world's worst fucking Tinder date" when I was going to buy the douchebag I was with his fourth Jack and Coke (I don't expect a man to pay for me, BUT I ALSO DON'T WANT TO DO ALL THE PAYING.)
My now-boyfriend screams at me like a fucking Oscar-worthy actor, "you seriously invited me here to watch you go on a date?!?!?!?! WE HAVE A FUCKING CHILD TOGETHER!!!!"
Tinder douche bailed and boyfriend and I have been together for a year. Everyone tells us our meeting story is like a fucking rom-com, and I can concede that it indeed is.

Honestly. The conversation goes like this: Hey Hey What are you doing? Watching a movie. Sounds fun. It is. We could be having sex instead. Really? Yep. Okay. Sweet. See you in 10.

It just sucks that my once bountiful source of sex with random strangers became filled with the kinds of users who are looking for friends, their friends showed them this app and they never check it, they love jesus and want to hold hands and watch the sunset, or is not looking for a hookup...
Tinder used to be sooooooooooo easy, now there is a real amount of work you have to put it in.

From my experience, ~90% of girls who use it install the app, upload their top 3 liked photos from instagram/fb, then match with guys for the attention/confidence boost - with no intention of talking to them or meeting up. After 2-3 weeks of this they get bored and delete the app. Then, eventually, a few months later a boy hurts their feelings and their self-confidence is lowered enough for them to reinstall the app. Rinse and Repeat.

Basically Tinder is an app that takes away the confidence of men shorter then 6' and then gives that confidence to semi unattractive women as they are lavished with attention from increasingly desperate shorter males.

I'm a male who used Tinder frequently with moderate succes. Here's what women want from Tinder:
Be taller than her when she wears heels.
Be moderately attractive and in decent shape.
Be unique with your profile. I listed random shit like I'm a master crockpot chef and shark hunter. They love reading something funny.
Don't send dick pics or immediately engage them with a sexual dialogue. No woman wants to admit that they're after some dick, even if that's what they're after.
Compliments, compliments, compliments. Not about their tits or how they look. Exhibit a genuine interest or be impressed with their interests.
And that's it. Don't be nervous on a date. It's just a date. Let your personality shine through.

Jesus christ, all the guys in this thread having issues with Tinder. HOW?!
As a guy who keeps one to kill time at work:
Step 1: Put up photos of you DOING things. Unless you want the female version neckbeards all up on your shit (i.e. people who only look at looks and are desperate), show yourself doing some hobbies and shit.
Step 2: Toss in a bio that will attract the type of person you want. A legitimate bio is probably gonna get someone looking for a committed relationship. A joke, or something witty, that'll probably get you some hilarious conversations and, who knows, a soulmate? Jk Tinder isn't for soulmate searching, which brings me to...
Step 3: Don't go in expecting love. Seriously, it's fucking Tinder. Go outside and meet some real people. Then when you are doing everything you can in your REAL life, throw in Tinder into the mix to slightly up the chances of meeting that special lady.
Step 4: No dick pics or weird rapey shit.
Step 5: Open with a witty line. This is my favorite part of Tinder, looking at a match's profile, and coming up with something clever and hilarious to say. I have ~400 matches and almost all reply to a sent message.
Step 6: Tinder dates are fucking weird and I don't know why you'd be butthurt about not getting one. I caved and went on two. The first, she invited me to clubbing with her friends. Cool, since I live half a mile from the clubs here. Got there, her friends were super awesome, but she was so... boring. Kept bitching all night about how she's over the club scene and too mature for it. Umm, you're 23. Calm the fuck down. You're here, learn to have some fun.
Second time, she was smoking hot with makeup, but when we met up, for some reason she went with no makeup. Well, her voice was very child-like and no makeup made her look EXACTLY like my baby cousin (who is 14 now). Chick was super cool, and I felt really bad since we spent the entire night watching Netflix, but legit watching Netflix, and I wouldn't move closer than a foot away from her. Also her roommates kept barging in cause they were doing coke in the living room. Kinda wanted to join them, cause hey, free coke. Ended up leaving at 4 AM laughing my ass off. We still snap each other sometimes. She has no idea why nothing happened.
Step ???: Don't be picky, swipe everyone that even remotely fits your type, and go only off the display photo. You'll grab more matches and you won't get so invested into one person.
Step 10: Seriously, go outside and meet people. Tinder is a great app to learn to talk to girls and not give a fuck about what they say back. It's also great for hookups. Seriously, it is. But if you want love, finding it on Tinder really is like winning the lottery. You might, and some folks have, but I doubt you will.

(Fark on same subject)

Today's throwaway dating culture is so unlike those halcyon days of the 70s where you had to give your date a quaalude before screwing her in the bed of your El Camino outside of the Molly Hatchet show. They were simpler times...

So, I'm curious - isn't this the inevitable outcome of a more self-sufficient individual and the decreasing social drive for family?

Technology is enabling what people have wanted all along, it's not generating new desires, it's just a facilitator.

Hey, fiftysomething men like to sleep around too. Will this Tinder thing run on a 386?

Another one of those "OMG young people are doing what we did at their age but it's worse now for some reason" articles. Because its not fair. Back in my day, I had to haul my butt out to the bar popular with other college age kids to do this. And then, instead of swiping right, I had to dance and buy drinks up hill both ways.

This article along with the Snowden coverage only feeds the conception that The Guardian is solely staffed by angry virgins.

I'm not a math professor, but the math professor in the article seems quite convinced he is right. Feel free to explain outliers to him.

Right. Mean vs. median.

For every manwhore, there's >1 "sluts" or much more likely >1 "Girl who went out to the bar last night and oh god, oh god, what did I do"

If there's 10 guys and 10 girls, and the girls all go out with 1 guy once, and ignore the other 9, then boom, average of 1 relationship per person, but there's 9 guys feeling left out, 1 manwhore, and 10 girls who had a boyfriend once. (It just, you know, happened to be the same boyfriend one after the other, which isn't necessarily a bad thing).

And that's pretty much the reductio ad absurdum of what we're seeing.

/Heck, go look at STD infection rates some time. Girls have more STD's than guys, which only works if the guys with STD's are really getting around to a greater degree than the girls.

I've always been a fan of the museum first date. You have tons of built in ice breakers, plus talking about art let's you have deeper and more meaningful conversations right away without the awkwardness that usually happens with meaningful conversations.

"Dating" is what people do while they're deciding whether to fark or go find someone else to fark. Dating can be very brief or drag on and on.

Many people don't want lovers anymore. They have partners, "significant others," and other terms that don't imply commitment or silly emotional attachment. They're not "in love," they're "in a relationship."

Tinder isn't for dating, it is for hooking up. That is the beauty of it, and even if you truly are looking to date (you are wanting to find a monogamous partner you can share your life with), this should be a good thing for you since it helps separate those wanting to only hook up to look to Tinder.

Conventionally, dating takes a lot of time, money, and effort so the sooner you can filter out who is looking for the same thing you are, the less time you need to spend trying to separate those wanting to date or hook up and spend more time getting to know the other person to see if you want to mutually explore a relationship.

I swear to god I think social conservatives and sexual prudes are so farked up in the head that they need to be lobotomized. People like sex. Men and women. Gay and straight. Deal with it.

So if I'm a 40-something male looking for a long-term relationship, Tinder is probably not the best place to look? Online dating... Ugh. Is this really the preferred method these days?

Hm. So you're in Michigan... Do you have any recent or violent felonies?

Zoos are also good. (I'm a biologist) You get to see cute animals, you get to walk around, a few 'isn't evolution weird/amazing' questions filters out the hidden fundies, lots of ice breakers, and it's usually pretty fun.

A friend of mine from Mexico is one of 12 children. He said "That's what people did before they had television"

Why, is exactly, is it a problem if consenting adults are sleeping around? We have birth control. We have ways to prevent STIs. No one who doesn't want to sleep around has to. So what exactly is the argument against it, other than 'Christians don't like it'? Because I, for one, refuse to organize my life around what a religion I don't belong to thinks.

It's ALWAYS between awkward to pick people up at bars. I remember saying, pre-internet. Mostly it required getting drunk, or being introduced to people through other people. The internet makes it easy to navigate the most awkward aspects of dating - "is this person single? Are they actually looking for a relationship right now? Do we have anything in common?" That's what online dating does, it answers the prerequisite questions. After that, you still have to meet in person and socialize.

(Imgur responses)

Tbf, if you're lookin for lasses on Craigslist, this is the least worst thing that could happen to you.

TheQuark 127 points : 4 replies : 2 hours ago
I met my wife on Craiglist misc.romance. Seriously.
Duuuuuuuuuuuuude 64 points : 1 reply : 2 hours ago
Story pls
TheQuark 49 points : 5 replies : 2 hours ago
She went back to grad school late, and I was just-divorced. All her peers were either profs or 10 years her junior. She wanted a FWB
FunkyH 48 points : 3 replies : 2 hours ago
Fat white boy? Firm wobbly buttock? Fish with broccoli?
TheQuark 27 points : 1 reply : 2 hours ago
I am a fat white boy, yes.
cabals 7 points : 1 reply : 2 hours ago
friends with benefits if you don't know
WilhelmvonSchlapphand 7 points : 1 reply : 2 hours ago
Do the benefits include health and dental? Eye care would be an awesome bonus.
TheQuark 5 points : 1 reply : 2 hours ago
Well, she was a grad student. So, no. :(
PlzLookAtThatTag 1 point : 32 minutes ago
Fish with broccoli, please.
Satherian 5 points : 2 replies : an hour ago
A FWB? What's that?
FunkyH 2 points : 2 hours ago
Fat white boy? Firm wobbly buttock? Fish with broccoli?
DoverBoys 1 point : 26 minutes ago
Sex in the friendzone.
SoDaSexy 1 point : 1 reply : an hour ago
Friends with Benefits ;)
Satherian 1 point : an hour ago
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, okay.

blainetog 27 points : 1 reply : 2 hours ago
Does she know?
TheQuark 21 points : 2 hours ago
That she's my wife? I think she figured it out.
QueefRichards 3 points : 1 reply : an hour ago
Funny, I met your wife on casual encounters.
StringNotFound 1 point : 9 minutes ago
That's funny, I'm his wife and I'm a dude that's ready to get down. I remember that night. We had tons of bondage and gay sex.

usikomeer 557 points : 8 replies : 6 hours ago
On the one hand: very impressive. On the other hand: I hope this doesn't make guys angrier at imaginary "stuck up bitches."
starving101 66 points : 2 replies : 4 hours ago
but if they get angry, they will tip the sympathetic bartender (OP)
PastaJesus 10 points : 1 reply : 2 hours ago
Do you tip more when you're angry?
rubbarz 17 points : 2 replies : 2 hours ago
You get drunk more, which leads to more tipping.
EricMatthews 3 points : 2 hours ago
Or forgetting to tip completely
dustySoda 2 points : an hour ago
Tipping over everything probably

nirduwelle 4 points : 2 hours ago
I like to think that these guys showed up with a pocket full of roofies and a windowless van with all the inside door handles removed.
Attomsk1013 6 points : 6 hours ago
Actually I am not even mad im just impressed.
keyserv 5 points : 6 hours ago
I could never keep a straight face through that kind of setup.
albertkaholic 4 points : 1 reply : 4 hours ago
Up your game: start lining up 3 a night, all waiting for the same "girl".
UH60Mechanic 3 points : 2 hours ago
Then they can all collectively hate on the imaginary bitch and drink even more.
QueefRichards 3 points : an hour ago
This is genius. Keep doing it

Playboy Article on Tindr - Highlights

Full article here: The Dating Game

MOLLY, The Mormon: My rules for a Tinder date are the Mormon rules: just kissing. But I break them a lot.

MICK, The Lothario (business school grad, 28, Chicago): I started outsourcing the swiping part. I hired a University of Chicago undergrad. I give her my phone and have her swipe for three hours while I'm in class for $25. I picked a girl because they have better taste than men and would be less likely to sabotage my matches. I don't have any preferences as far as race or look.

MICK, The Lothario: Cooking a girl dinner sets you apart. She can justify coming over to some stranger's apartment more than if I just said, 'Come over and we'll have some drinks.'

MICK, The Lothario: I buy Trader Joe's shrimp that's frozen and de-veined and peeled. Many people have never cooked seafood, so it's more impressive than chicken. You'll need to stir it occasionally, which has the psychological advantage of walking away from the girl - because you care more about shrimp stir-fry than what she's saying - which subconsciously makes the girl more interested in you. I'd say that the total investment is probably, on average, thirty bucks per date.

MICK, The Lothario: My goal is to finish a bottle of white wine while cooking. After we finish eating we'll take shots of Rumpleminze - which tastes like Mentos - because many girls would be self-conscious about having shrimp stir-fry breath and wouldn't want to make out with you.

MICK, The Lothario: I keep my living room uncomfortably cold on purpose. When we get into my bedroom, there's only one chair, which I sit on first. As I'm sitting down, I try to get her to sit on my lap facing me. If she does, then I guarantee game over. If she balks, the only other place she can sit is the bed. Later on, I hand her the wine glasses - another opportunity to sit down next to her on the bed. If she balks again, then I'll just buy some time and pretend like I'm tired, and she'll leave.

MICK, The Lothario: If I invite a girl over for stir-fry, even though there's only a 30 percent chance she'll say yes, there’s an 80 percent chance I'll score. You're looking at 24 percent overall.

MICK, The Lothario: On a typical date, there are so many opportunities to screw up your chances. In business school we call them bottlenecks: the more time people have, the more it affects the decision. Stir-fry removes that variable. I've applied a lot of the concepts from my MBA, especially what I learned from operations class, which focuses on maximizing the efficiency of a manufacturing plant.

MICK, The Lothario: SSFDs are 'shrimp stir-fry dates.' You can use it as a verb, too. You can say, 'Oh, I shrimp stir-fried her.'

NICOLE, The Over-Thinker: [swiping] This is just a stupid photograph. I would say a good 50 percent of people I reject - you have to put a little effort into the photo.

MIRANDA, The Career Woman: If I can see your cell phone in your photo, like you've taken it in a mirror - you don't even know how to take a cell phone picture? Get outta here.

MICK, The Lothario: It doesn't matter how pretty a girl is. If she doesn't have any body photos on Tinder, I just assume she's fat.

MICK, The Lothario: Recently, I realized I had too many shirtless photos. I noticed a lot of girls on OKCupid specifically say 'no shirtless selfies.' Two of my four Tinder photos were shirtless. Luckily, they were also travel photos. All girls romanticize traveling. I'm gonna add one of me in a suit and tie, just to make it seem like I'm less of a bro, so I can hit all my angles.

MIRANDA, The Career Woman: No pictures of you as a groomsman. You went to a wedding once and that's the only time you wore a suit? Get outta here. No cosplay, obviously. No museums, like ooh you look at art, thank you for showing me.

MOLLY, The Mormon: No pictures at the gym, shirtless pics at the mirror, on a motorcycle, at a sporting event, holding a gun, or pictures of them with girls in bikinis.

MICK, The Lothario: If a girl is a trash heap - like if she has a boob tattoo - I'm probably not gonna date her. But I will have sex with her.

KATHERINE, The Adwoman out for Ass: One thing I really like about Tinder encounters is going into other people's apartments. It's fantastic. Men are disgusting. Men don't clean; men live in places where the doorknob comes off in your hand. The bathrooms are terrible. It's almost confirmation that we're not gonna date. Ever.

MIRANDA, The Career Woman: I was telling a friend about this guy I'm hooking up with. I started talking about his giant penis, and his propensity for dick pics. She was like, the guy with the giant dick who's in a band who sends dick pics? I met him on Tinder, and he's been sending me dick pics for months.' And we held up our phones, and we had the same dick pics from him.

PETER, The Grindr Veteran: These apps allow you to present yourself in a certain way, without any consequences. You can reinvent yourself. Frequently, I'll see people on Grindr that I also see on Tinder or OKCupid. The difference between the personas is like night and day.

I remember one very distinctly. He was about 28, and on Tinder he had written that he wasn't that into hooking up these days. He was looking for conversation and something meaningful. And then I found him on Grindr. He was this super sexual and lascivious person, like, 'I'm really into leather and the bondage scene.' He had created two different versions of himself.

MIRANDA, The Career Woman: My dream relationship at this moment would be a monogamous, casual, sex-partner friend. It's kind of a tall order, I know. And this is gonna make me sound like an even worse person, but he would be monogamous and I could do whatever I want. But I know that's not a real thing.

KATHERINE, The Adwoman out for Ass: I'm actually a relationship person. I miss the excitement of being in love. It's like being in a house where you keep opening up these doors and finding all these other rooms. What I'm looking for in a relationship is an appreciation and an understanding. And that's not on Tinder. I know people who've found a boyfriend via Tinder, but that hasn't been my experience.

MICK, The Lothario: I'm gonna be the director of business development for an energy risk management consulting company. There are some synergies between convincing a stranger to have sex with you and convincing a stranger to write a check for $30,000 to your company. So I think that I've improved the art of persuasion - of being calm and collected - in part because of shrimp stir-fry.

NICOLE, The Over-Thinker: On Tinder you're judging people in a really fucked up, on-paper way. Is this person educated enough for me? Is this person tall enough for me? It's really ineffective because you don't get the chemistry aspect, which is the most important part.

NICOLE, The Over-Thinker: When I think back to joining Tinder and OKCupid forever ago, my hope was that I'd finally branch out. I'd think of how cool it would be to try going out with someone totally outside my realm of experience. Somewhere in the back of my mind I still have that desire, when in fact, I'm not using it that way at all. My swiping pretty much narrows me down to dating mid-20s, white, educated, media guys.

"Nine Qualities that Define a KE: