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Infidelity Letters

Need more quotes? Extracts from books on Infidelity

Is It Natural?

Stuart Leslie suggests that infidelity may be normal for humans, as it is for albatrosses (18 August, p 33). Of course it is normal, as are racism, sexism, dishonesty and war, given that they are so widespread. In a wide range of circumstances they can further the survival and reproduction of the perpetrators.

However, our genome's agenda is not our agenda. Reason lets us generate ideals that do not necessarily enhance our reproductive potential, such as placing value on fidelity for another's happiness.

Maybe a future understanding of our genomes could tease out the level of fidelity that we would practise were we not intelligent beings. "Normal" does not equate to right or good, just as "natural" does not equate to beneficial.

****** I am disturbed by some of the language in your story on breeding albatrosses (21 July, p 16). It has been known for decades that many pair-bonded bird species engage in extra-pair matings, and up to half the eggs of any brood may result from this.

So it is unscientific to use such anthropomorphisms as "cheating", "infidelity" and "divorce", all loaded, negative terms that imply a monogamy and sexual fidelity that does not and never has existed. These birds are not cheating, just engaging in their normal behaviour. It may be normal for humans too: see Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá (Harper, 2010).

Fark thread on impact of Facebook etc

Well this is because when men do the seeing that the person known by they at the younger age has divorcings then they use this to have the cheat on the wife invitation or perhaps they do the seduction of the married female. (Meow, of course)

I couldn't have said it better myself.

That was surprisingly difficult to masturbate to. Not impossible, just difficult.

Remember, it takes two to cheat:
1. One to do the cheating
2. One to drive #1 to cheat via her constant nagging, withholding of sex, and demands for more money

You are free to choose withhold your sexings, as long as you harbor no expectations of fidelity.

What's that, babe? You were in a car accident and broke your pelvis? Does that mean no sex for a few weeks?! I GET TO CHEAT ON YOU! YESSS!

Did she break her jaw as well? Sounds like a horrible crash.

Put your strawman back in its closet. We're talking about the conscious decision to withhold sex, born of petty disputes, lack of interest, or just being mean, not medical emergencies.

You might want to stay away from vibrators. You have lovely teeth. Ah yes the adult pacifier.

Well, I wasn't saying that Facebook made her a cheater. But, it was the tool that she used to facilitate it. However, I do have to give the technology a little of the blame, for lack of a better word. Before FB it would have been much more difficult for her to stay in touch with old acquaintances. Women usually cheat for emotional, not physical reasons. WoW and Fb gave them the ability to connect with other people in a way that they would not otherwise have. Its the reason that a lot of cheaters do it with someone who they work with, IMHO.

I got divorced because of Obamacare. My ex wife and I realized we weren't in love more than a few years ago but she basically needed my health insurance or she would die so I we stayed together. Then Obamacare happened and did away with pre-existing conditions and allowed her to get a decent plan on the marketplace, so we split. Thanks Obama

Ashley Madison Hack - London Times letters

Goodness, if there are 60 million people in this country and a third of them are too young or too old for this sort of thing, everyone BAR ME is at it. Where can I get my fair share?

Bill Forrest
That's not me. It's a different Bill Forrest.

Someone tell me how I get the list? This could save subscribing to dating sites?

Arthur A Simpson
37 million eh.
As long as they're in alphabetical order I should be ok for a decade or two.

I hope the FBI find these people. What others do is none of their business. Everyone is having a bit of a laugh right now, but what happens if these guardians of righteousness decide to blackmail surgeries with a list of people who have had an abortion. Will it be as funny?

well lets think about that


Gay website hacked and 2 million gays outed by Isis ? with 16000 Muslim gays gone into hiding ? is that OK as well?

List of abortions stolen from NHS and published by pro lifers

List of criminal convictions over 10 years old stolen and published as once a criminal always a criminal (usualy deleted after 10 years )

Police list of possible last century paedophiles with name and addresses published - 27 attacks by mobs lead to 3 deaths. Not clear yet if any of these names were more than suspects

etc etc

I wonder if those pouring congratulations on these hackers would feel the same way about the publication of a list of people belonging to Alcoholics Anonymous, or a debt counselling agency? Mortgage repossession judgements or expired criminal records? What is the difference? Moral standards of behaviour? Who are we to judge, when such choices are lawful?

Nothing gives "Impact Team" a right to be judge and jury on people's moral standards, and still less the health of peoples' personal relationships. The idea of a 'morals' police belongs in backward, mediaeval countries like Saudi Arabia. Think about it for a minute, folks.

I have a friend who says he is likely on the list. Probably there are many like him - His wife has an "illness"lets not say what - you can guess from MS to cancer, and they have a tacit agreement that she does not pry and he does not tell.

So great how many of her "friends" will find out what he has been up to, and fell obliged to "warn" her

So now it is OK then to have armd civilian vigilantes patrolling our street enforcing whatever version of the law they see fit? Like covering your head if you are woman or not wearing too short a skirt? or not kissing in public etc etc. And ok for vigilantes to be in every club and late night venue in London taking pictures of anything ''suspicious'' and posting the photo online with time and date and place. Suggest you do not start down the road of agreeing with moral vigilantes being OK and allowed to flout the law and impose their own moral values? Are you in favour of Sharia Law in North London?

Luckily, no problems in our household. We're both too cheap and tired to have affairs.

That's what you think.

Life is short. So is anonymity. And so are some of the relationships this will affect.

No matter where one's sympathies lie, the idea of security on the Internet is proving to be a fallacy.

here's a story from the trenches:

I'm sitting next to a colleague at work who is an ageing Jack-the-lad and a long-time subscriber of Ashley Madison. He's been horrified by the developments.

He found his name on the list (via a darkweb browser) this morning. His embarrassment and anxiety has only been slightly mollified by the fact that he discovered his wife was also on the list. She'd been a bit more canny, however - she used his credit card to pay the subscription.

Dinner at his should be very interesting this evening .....

I wonder - do Infants have as much fun in Infancy as Adults seem to in Adultery ?

Do you mean infantery?

I was in the infantry.

I see a whole new crime area opening up here. 'Pay us or we will include your name in lists of those who use this web site or that web site' etc etc. Very difficult for the average person to disprove the assertion and many might fear that they might suffer under the 'no smoke without a flame' view of life.

I wonder how many of the names on this list are from hard line Muslim states? They might be especially nervous!

They tend to all have the same name.

I blame Dr Beeching. The closing of railway lines and station buffets has taken all the romance and spontaneity out of this sort of thing.

There's always the Pop-star Defence: "It was just research for my first book".

First they came for the Ashley Madison subscribers, and I did nothing because I was not a cheat...